"Behind the Scene" Series
/
National Archeological Museum, Naples, Italy
This is a collection of short dialogues which might, could or even should have taken place between famous historical, biblical or literary pairs or couples.
GENESIS
EVE - See what you started? These fig leaves make me itch, and you look ridiculous with yours.
ADAM – All right, all right! I didn't think He'd get so mad for one lousy apple.
EVE - I told you he didn't want us to eat them! Why did you have to listen to the slithery bastard?
ADAM - He said we'd be OK so long as you ate the first bite.
EVE - That figures! You had to believe the snake instead of me! It was your idea, but now He'll always blame me for everything.
THE ANNUNCIATION
MARY, teary-eyed – I was hoping you’d be happy!
JOSEPH, angry - OK, Mary, what's his name?
MARY - Joseph, I told you there was no other man. It was a miracle!
JOSEPH - Oh please, d’you think I’m stupid?
MARY - Honey, I swear, all we did was talk!
JOSEPH - You're expecting me to believe that this Gabriel and his halo flapped his way down from up yonder 4 months ago to let you know his boss would make you pregnant by remote control, and that’s why you’re sick every morning, and that you are still a virgin but are due in 6 months?
MARY, embarrassed – I know it’s hard to fathom…
ROMEO AND JULIET
ROMEO - Juliet, get over here, they're coming!
JULIET - Chill out, Romeo! You're really starting to get on my nerves!
ROMEO - Darn you, come here so I can kiss you!
JULIET - What do I care if you want to make your Montague clan think you'd die of love for a Capulet!
ROMEO - It's only make-believe, you silly!
JULIET - All you want is to make your parents mad. You're just using me!
SCARLET AND RHETT
SCARLET - What are you doing here, Rhett Butler?
RHETT - Now that Atlanta's burned to the ground, I was hoping you'd accept my proposal.
SCARLET - Dream on! I told you I want to live at Tara by myself. You know I won't have a man bossing me around in my own house.
RHETT - But you can't manage this huge place by yourself.
SCARLET - I can too!
RHETT - Besides, I need you!
SCARLET - Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!
MARY AND MARTHA
MARTHA - Mary, I need you to peel the potatoes. Jesus will be here in an hour, and you haven't lifted a finger to help with dinner. As usual!
MARY - Not now, Martha, I am reading.
MARTHA - I always do all the work while you two talk, and I never get to spend any time with him.
MARY - Jesus says that housework is just as valuable as worldly pursuits.
MARTHA - Good, then tonight you serve us while I visit with Jesus!
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND JOHN WATSON
WATSON - Sherlock, I've decided to end our arrangement.
SHERLOCK - What do you mean, my dear Watson?
WATSON - I've had it with your using my powers of observation to make yourself look good.
SHERLOCK - But, Watson, I couldn't analyze, deduce and resolve without you!
WATSON - My point exactly!
SHERLOCK - You'd put me out of business!
WATSON - Sorry, old chap, I am tired of playing second fiddle.
MICHELANGELO AND DAVID
MICHELANGELO - David! Stop showing off! I can't work with a model who is constantly moving.
DAVID - Oh, Antonio, don't be mad at me! I just thought I would look even better if my right arm was a little more this way, don't you think?
MICHELANGELO - No, no, you’re gorgeous just as you are now.
DAVID, playing coy - You're just saying that!
MICHELANGELO - I mean it, David! Besides, every time you move, the fig leaf drops down at your feet and it ruins my concentration."
DOROTHY AND THE WIZARD
WIZARD - What do you all want?
DOROTHY - I need to get back home to Kansas but I got lost, so I followed the yellow brick road to find you.
WIZARD - Kansas? Are you kidding? Oh, OK, sorry. And a yellow brick road?
DOROTHY - We all need you. The guy with the hat wants courage, the one that looks like a watering can needs a brain, and the pathetic-looking beast, over there, asked for a heart."
WIZARD – Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just click your heels 3 times?
JESUS AND MARY AT THE TEMPLE
MARY - Jesus, where have you been? We've looked for you for two days! We were worried out of our minds!
JESUS - But I was just talking to some men in the Temple.
MARY - Don't you 'but' me! You should know better than to disappear like that!
JESUS - I am 12 years old, Mother, and you still treat me like a child!
MARY – Mind your manners, young man! As long as you live under our roof, you'll go by our rules.
JESUS AND MARY AT CANA
MARY - Jesus, this wedding reception is a complete bore!
JESUS - What's wrong, Mother?
MARY - The wine is completely gone. Only water is left!
JESUS - So what do you expect me do about it?
MARY - Could you try one of your magic tricks, honey?
JESUS - Mother, please, I am not a performing circus act.
MARY - Come on, won't you do it for me?
JESUS - Do what?
MARY - Something clever, like turning the water in these jugs into really good wine, not the cheap stuff they served earlier.
SAMSON AND DELILAH
DELILAH - Wow, Samson, amazing pecs! How many times a week do you work out?
SAMSON - Actually, I don't! I hate gyms and exercise.
DELILAH - How come you are so strong, then?
SAMSON - It's a family secret, but I can tell no one.
DELILAH - Oh, come on, honey! I swear I won’t tell!
SAMSON - It's… my hair.
DELILAH - What? Are you kidding me?
SAMSON - No, really. It's a genetic thing that runs in Dad’s family.
DELILAH - No wonder you never get haircuts!
DAVID AND GOLIATH
DAVID - Come on, Goliath!
GOLIATH - Give me a break, David! Go pick on somebody your own size!
DAVID - A coward, that's what you are!
GOLIATH - Scram, little punk! I ain't fighting a baby! Besides, you couldn't even hurt a squirrel with this slingshot of yours!
DAVID – Yeah? Well, think again, you big Philistine!
GOLIATH - OK, if I let you try your toy, will you leave me alone?
DAVID - Deal!
GOLIATH - All right, you little squirt. Try me right here! And then get lost!
CAIN AND ABEL
CAIN - You always get your way, Abel!
ABEL - Oh, Cain, for crying it loud, not again!
CAIN - I hate farm life! Why can't I be a shepherd like you?
ABEL - Because we only have one herd of sheep, and I am allergic to cows and pigs!
CAIN - Yeah, sure! I am stuck with farming because Dad and Mom always liked you best!
ABEL - Enough already!
CAIN - One day, Abel, I swear I'll get even with you!
ABEL - Come on, Abel, I know you don’t mean it.
TARZAN AND JANE
JANE - Tarzan, knock it off, you big ape!
TARZAN - Honey, it's Valentine Day! We're going to a picnic in the jungle.
JANE - Swinging from tree to tree is exciting for you, but it drives me crazy.
TARZAN – Where else can I take you for a date in the jungle?
JANE - How about something civilized, like snuggling side by side for a nice quiet ride on an elephant's back?
TARZAN - But, Jane, I thought you enjoyed flying in the air!
JANE - Enjoy it? I told you when we first me that I was terrified of heights!
ALEXANDER BELL AND HIS WIFE MABEL
MABEL – Alex, I had a fascinating dream last night…
BELL - What was it about, dear?
MABEL – I dreamt of your talking with your mother, but she was in Scotland, and you were here in our sitting room. Wasn’t that crazy?
BELL - And we could hear each other also? But how?
MABEL - Exactly! Each person held one end of the same hand-held instrument close to the mouth, and could hear the answer coming through the other end, pressed to the ear.
BELL – Now that’s an idea…Let me see what I could do with that..."
THOMAS EDISON AND HIS WIFE MARY
MARY - Thomas! I've had it!
EDISON - What is it, my dear?
MARY - I burned myself again! There has to be a way to have enough light to see after the sun has gone down, without putting our lives at risk with these stupid kerosene lamps.
EDISON – They’re better than candles!
MARY – Of course, they are! But they are still a nuisance. You're the inventor, Thomas, do something!"
EDISON – I think I might be on to something I’ve been working on for a while…
MARY – OK, then. Get on with it!